Cool Hand Luke

I have a bone to pick with the people who name fragrances.

The other day my deodorant got down to the point that I was basically just scraping my armpit with plastic. You know that point. So, I went to the store to buy more. I’m not loyal to any particular brand or scent. The past few times I’ve gotten Old Spice Red Zone because it seems to work and it doesn’t leave white stuff on my shirts.

I started looking at the different fragrances and I realized I had no idea what any of them would smell like based on the name. They all sounded like extreme Gatorade flavors or something: Pure Sport, Whitewater, Arctic Force, Showtime, etc.  Huh?  What does that smell like?

I have this theory that people sit around in labs and create new fragrances. They think, “This one smells good, but I can’t put a finger on what it smells like. I’ll make up something vague like…Pure Sport!” Way to dodge that one, but do I want to smell like Pure Sport? I doubt it.

This theory goes for air fresheners, candles, sopas, and all sorts of other scented things. There are the obvious Warm Cookie and Fresh Orange scents, but then they throw out something vague like Ocean Mist. Have you smelled the ocean lately? It’s not what I want my house to smell like.

So, which deodorant did I settle on? Fresh—because it was buy 1 get 1 free.